I know I shouldn't be thinking so much, but the more I watch it, the more I find myself so emotionally involved with the story. I don't know why. I shouldn't sympathise or feel something for Jesse Pinkman, and yet I do. I understand that he deserved some of what he was getting but damn you Vince, you're making me like the guy because you're peeling the onions away and making me see that he's not just some meth crackhead.
That he is human, underneath the addiction, and that he has a heart. I'm at Season 2, no brownies for guessing which episode I just finished watching.
Walter White... I don't know what to say. Watching him in the show somehow makes me feel like I'm watching my dad. No, he's not a chemist nor a chemistry teacher (but he is a teacher who specializes in language) and he's not doing any of them illegal things. But it's just seeing the obstructions that keeps ambushing his path and how he's had to struggle and keep everything all locked up tight within him. I understand men and their egoes and pride and I can understand and see that in my dad.
Honestly, I feel so powerless and helpless each time after the show. Knowing that I am in a somewhat similar position and had I been rolling with the wrong crowd, I could be in the same position as him. It hurts to think that I can't confide in my family and that the silent treatment and cold shoulders are just something I don't deserve because whatever it is that I'm doing and the intense and imperative need for secrecy is all for them.
Sacrifices and anti-heroes. I think that's the main theme. Or that's the reason why anti-heroes are just the way they are. Because of the need for sacrifice, especially at their own cost.
I don't exactly know where I was going with this but tonight as I was on the drive back home, I felt that I wasn't going to wallow in self-pity and feel sorry for myself for believing that I am nothing and have accomplished nothing. I wasn't going to remain helpless and powerless. I know I can do things, I know I am capable of things and I just needed to be nudged a little in the right direction to get a move on, a kick start, and I know that I'm gonna be somewhere.
It took awhile, I'm a late bloomer, but I'll get there. I'll be the person I know I was meant to be, that I am capable of being.
So strangely, Breaking Bad has somehow given me a new sense of ambition, determination and drive. Funny how things work out.
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